Resolutions vs. Intentions
I’ve never been one to set New Year’s resolutions, because I feel like I’m mostly setting myself up for failure when I do. If I set a resolution, then I break it, I instantly feel like I failed.
I hate losing. I’m uber competitive - and I often say “everything is a competition”. At work, in sports, at home. So I take failure pretty hard.
A few years ago, my resolution was: Go to the gym 4 days a week. I was good for about a month, until I had a really terrible week, and I only went twice. I spent the next few weeks berating myself, and to make up for it, doing double days and working out to the point of a knee injury. Then I was out for 6 weeks and years later still have trouble with that knee.
Part of that was my own stubbornness, and clearly an overreaction to an off week.
But since then, I’ve resolved 😉 to set Intentions rather than Resolutions. I guess I also think of them as goals, but with fewer metrics to gauge success by. I’ve focused on travel, on dietary choices, on wearing more color and less black! The best part of focusing on intentions is they feel more like life changes and carry on much past a year.
So this year, I’m intentionally going to be more selfish.
That was a weird sentence to write. Selfish. Normally not a goal, but rather a negative way we may describe someone else.
Why am I intending to be more selfish?
I am a giver. I constantly give away my time, my energy, my love, anything to help someone else. I love being there for people, but I’ve also learned that I can’t be my best self for others, if I don’t try to be my best self for me, first.
I’ve walked away from friendships when I finally realized I was giving more than I’d been receiving - but it took years for me to work up the courage to make that change. I’ve overextended myself at work leading tonight’s and weekends not spent with friends and family.
At work there’s even a joke that if an ask is out, and the room is quiet for too long, just wait because Katy will volunteer.
So this year, I intend to be more selfish.
What does being selfish look like to me? It means asking myself:
“Do I really have capacity?”, before blindly taking on a project.
“Do I really want to?”, before saying yes.
”Will I get just as much out of this as they will?”, before committing.
Do I think I’m still going to overextend myself, and still be disappointed when I put more in than I get back? Of course. But my hope is, that by being intentionally selfish, and checking in with myself, I won’t be so hard on myself whatever the fallout may be.
So this year I plan to be intentional and:
Get as much volleyball time in as possible, both coaching and playing
Travel - even just to the all of the places around the Bay Area I’ve been meaning to visit that I’ve de-prioritized because they weren’t at the top of everyone else’s lists
Cook all of the things, even things I know the Tall Guy won’t want to eat (one of us is more picky than the other)
Learn to play guitar - and not care about the eardrums of those I will force to watch my living room concerts
Leave space for new things to come up and for my priorities to change
And most importantly
Not be afraid to say No
I’m asking a lot of myself, as I tend to put others first - an admirable quality, I know. But one that makes me wonder: Why can I be everything to everyone else but me? And What happens when I put myself first?
Time to find out.
Katy
PS. We all know I love a selfie!
